It Was Always Love (Taboo Love Book 2) Read online

  As much as I loved being out in the world alone, I would always adore home.

  The kitchen faced the front of the house, looking out over fields and the neighbor house some way down the road. The yard this time of year flourished with new flowers my momma would have planted a few weeks ago.

  She always said she hated gardening as much as she did the devil, but her desire for a nice yard prevailed her hatred so she did the work every year.

  Daddy took care of the lawns and momma planted every flower she could think of and swore while she did it. She said it wasn’t in direct competition with her old high-school cheerleader rival Cindy from down the road, but every year they both tried to outdo the other, even if no battle lines were drawn, everyone knew and waited to see what war this new year brought.

  The two were such good fake enemies.

  Just like her with her flowers, Bonnie Black was a tiger when she got the bit between her teeth. I was the bit, from the way she was eyeing me.

  Just waiting for me to tell her why I’d landed on her doorstep late last night without a word of why I was early.

  “Now I don’t want you to overreact.”

  “Well that doesn’t give me peace of mind, baby. Go on.”

  I retook my seat at the table. The same table daddy made for momma more than twenty years ago and it was still perfect as it was that first day he brought it in from his workshop out back. Perfect knotted wood, and on top always decorated in pots of posies for the season and hand sewn tablecloths.

  It was home, and I loved home.

  I might be in love with Manhattan, but there was no feeling like being back in Beaufort.

  “I’m seeing someone.”

  Her eyebrows winged up into her messy brown hair. “Is he abusive?”

  “Jesus, momma,” I laughed. “Why do you jump right to the extreme?”

  “Better to start there than to work up to it. Well?”

  “No, of course not.” I went all in. My lungs inflating until I thought I might pass out. “It’s Noah. I’m dating Noah.”

  A beat of silence.

  And then two. I had my daddy’s hazel eyes.

  Momma’s were a dark, tempestuous blue and they were gazing at me like she was using me for target practice.

  I swallowed.

  “Noah? Your Noah from New York?”

  “Yes, Momma, that same Noah.”

  “I thought you said he was gay.”

  “He is. Only …” I’d rehearsed this very conversation on the plane last night all the while sending the man himself so many kissy-face emojis as answers to his Where the fuck are you, Sena? messages. My villain was not pleased with me taking off.

  This conversation sounded so much better in my head.

  “We developed romantic feelings for one another. So, we’re seeing how a relationship goes.” When she didn’t say anything, I felt the frustration rise in me. “It’s complicated, okay?”

  She chuckled a little and patted my hand. “I can imagine it is. So, your Noah is serious about this? He’s not messing you around, is he?”

  “He wouldn’t do that. We’re both serious, Momma. But ...”

  Her fingers tightened on mine and I drew strength from her, holding her hand in return. “There’s always a but, baby. Go on.”

  “Seeing how everyone in his life has always known he was into guys, you know? Now they find out he’s with me it’s …” I took a pause and shrewd as momma was she filled in the rest. “They’re judging unfairly for his love life decision and my sweet girl has taken it all to heart.”

  I pouted. “Yes. It’s hard, Momma. I don’t doubt Noah, not any more. But every time someone looks at us with that look, you know?”

  Her face sobered. “You’re sure about this?”

  “Momma. Yes. I love Noah.” That was the one thing I was most sure of. My love for him was endless and filled me completely to distraction.

  “You loving that boy has never been in question. Your daddy and me knew it the first time you called home and told us you’d met a man, but you were only friends you said. We knew it that first time you brought him home with you and we saw you around him, it shone out of you in the same way I look at Austin. We Black women fall hard, and we fall fast.” And then she switched to her sympathetic laced voice, making my insides wither up. “But, baby, if I turned up one day and suddenly broadcasted I was a lesbian with Ethel from the bakery,” I couldn’t help it, my eyes rounded like giant fucking saucers, and I burst out laughing. “Wouldn’t you have questions?”

  “Not if you told me you really loved Ethel.” Lips twitched.

  She nodded as if my answer was the right one. “Love is love, Sena and I raised you right to recognize that.” She told me earnestly. “Love doesn’t identify sexuality. It only sees chemistry and the bond to another person who is already destined to be a part of you. It recognizes only the pounding blood and rushing sensations in the heart. It’s never logical. A logical love is not love. Love is sometimes messy, but if you find it, you find it.”

  This is one of the million reasons why I love my momma. She cuts down to the truth, through all my muddled thoughts, she gets it.

  I let go of a sigh and she squeezed my fingers. “If this is real love between you and Noah, it doesn’t matter who was his past relationships, what matters is the here and now and don’t give mind to the opinions of others who don’t know what you share with Noah.”

  “You really don’t mind that I’m with him?”

  She looks at me thoughtfully. “Do you love him?”

  I nodded, and she gave a smile in return. “Then I don’t mind. Your daddy on the other hand….” She chuckled and on cue the man himself strolled in from the back of the house carrying his work jacket. Austin Black. A tall, robust man who still looked good for a man in his late fifties with barely any salt and pepper in his black hair. He smiled at me and winked at momma. Those two. My heart pinged. Their kind of relationship was what I’d always wanted for myself. They were wildly in love and still went on date nights and carried on sometimes like they were teenagers courting.

  He’d welcomed me home last night without any questions.

  Now he looked at momma.

  “Did you find out what’s wrong with our girl yet, Bon?”

  He tossed his jacket over the back of a chair. Dressed for work in simple jeans and a blue checked lumberjack shirt, he’d be on a 24-hour shift at the fire station soon. Thankfully as chief he mostly rode a desk now instead of seeing to blazes. Both momma and I didn’t worry so much about him anymore.

  He stuck his head in the fridge and came out with milk for his coffee. He sent us both speculative looks. “This should be good. Out with it.”

  “Sena is in love with Noah. Noah from New York.” She informed her husband as if he needed the clarification of which Noah since I knew so many.

  I internally rolled my eyes because no one rolls eyes at momma and lives to tell that tale. I clasped my hands in front of me. I felt all of twelve again with my first boyfriend. He wasn’t really a boyfriend, we just hung out on his front stoop and played on our bikes and one time he tried to hastily kiss my cheek until daddy caught him and threatened to clean his gun. End of sort-of boyfriend.

  “Tell me somethin’ I don’t know, darlin’.” He settled a hip against the counter facing the wide window. It takes momma to clarify once again. Meanwhile I’m dying inside and wanting to giggle. “No, Austin. She’s with Noah now. Boyfriend-girlfriend. They’re together...Romantic like.”

  His hazel eyes switched to me and I couldn’t read what he’s thinking.

  An inordinate amount of silence goes by between us all.

  I swallowed. And waited.

  “Is that right?” His neutral voice gave me no indication in what way he’s about to react. Daddy has always been a gentle man, loving and kind. But make no mistake he would move into alpha mode and whoop-ass if it were necessary.

  Nothing flared Austin Black’s temper faster than family
and protecting them.

  “Yeah,” I replied. “Yeah. That’s right.”

  “Is this one of those Christian Blue situations?”

  “Grey, honey.”

  “What?” Dad asked mom. At this point I began to laugh because it’s typical of him in general to ask something ridiculous.

  “It’s not Christian Blue. He’s called Christian Grey, I told you that the last time we—”

  “Okay. Okay. Daughter in the room! Jeez Louise.”

  Dad waved off my protests. “Whatever his name. Is it one of those paid relationship things?”

  Eyes like saucers. “Jesus, Dad! No! God.”

  I didn’t want to know where he even knew of those contract relationships and not with Christian Grey on my momma’s lips. I still insisted I was found under a bramble patch.

  And that reminded me I had that bit of news to break to them. Joy.

  “Look alive, girls. We’re about to have company.” Dad’s voice grew serious. His gaze led out of the window. Both mom and I craned up to see who was visiting. Assuming it was Momma’s friends.

  Noah.

  Noah climbing out of a black car.

  Noah sliding on a pair of shades onto his nose.

  Noah striding down the path towards the porch.

  Oh, my days. My veins began to hum in my ears.

  There he is. My body sang like a happy puppy.

  My heart kicked up a notch and I was out of my seat. At the last moment, I looked back at my two bemused parents, smiled, my cheeks full pink.

  And I went all in, balls to the wall and everything.

  “Oh, and Momma, Daddy … I’m pregnant.” And wise daughter I am I didn’t stay for their reaction. I took off through the hallway and out the door in seconds. It’s been less than 12 hours since I saw him, and my dashing heart reacted as though it’s months. My only objective as my blood heated to volcanic levels was getting to my man.

  To lion. He was here. Yay!

  I didn’t recall diving down the stairs, belatedly remembering I was in cut off jean shorts, a tank top and my bare feet.

  I didn’t care how I looked. He’s here.

  We stopped a foot separating us.

  His face unreadable and because of the shades I couldn’t perceive anything in his eyes.

  Only, I know he’s pissed at me.

  Why wouldn’t he be? I did what I said I wouldn’t.

  A tick formed in his jaw. And every line of his body was hard.

  “Noah …” I breathed. I couldn’t help it. I beamed a happy grin. I’m so fricking happy to see him. it’s not one of those aha moments where everything became clear. Because I’ve always known who I’ve wanted and it’s Noah. Each tall, dark addictive and broody inch of him. My emotions weren’t so much conflicted as he continued to stare at me that they were racing in happiness. A rush of blood and a blast of love almost had me tongue tied. Noah, in his calm controlled way waited for me to speak first and one thing I’ve learned since we began dating; he had a flawless awareness of my emotional wellbeing.

  There’s attentive chivalry and then there’s Noah and knowing that, knowing that he’s come for me despite my stupid actions is enough to fill me with heat and love.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “You’re here.”

  At that, I whimpered my joy, my legs sprang me forward, and I flung myself at him. He caught me easily, my arms and legs vined around him.

  He held me just as tightly, whispering my name.

  “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. I didn’t run, I swear. I just couldn’t stay there, and I thought I’d get this part over with.” I murmured into his good-smelling neck I’d missed so much. My next inhale was a big one, drawing Noah in.

  After a minute he dropped me down to my feet but kept hold of me.

  A hand on my waist, the other brushed hair from my face.

  After a minute of searching my face he spoke.

  “I see your truth, Sena. Even when you hide behind a beautiful misdirection. I see you.” He went on. “You want this. You want us. But you’re letting opinions of people who don’t matter in the life we’re trying to make together count against us. I see you.” He stressed again and laid his lips on my forehead, leaving them there for a beat of three seconds. “And you see me, you know where my heart is. It’s in the palm of your hand.” He moved his lips down to mine but didn’t kiss me. I didn’t try to kiss him. “You look at me and I see fire in your eyes, Sena. That fire is mine. No one will dim those fucking flames; do you hear me? Trust in us. I’m prepared to do a lot of things. Losing you, letting you slip away because you let people inside your head, isn’t one of them.”

  Everything stopped.

  My heart missed a beat.

  I lost air.

  My blink paused.

  “Sena, I would do anything to keep you. To make you mine. Christ, I want you to be mine more than I’ve ever wanted anything before, and I'm tying myself in fucking knots to convince you of that. Everything else I would drop and not care, but I won’t lose you. Those aren’t just words. When I say you’re my everything, my whole heart, I mean it. I’ll be a dusty pile of misery if you won’t have me, Sena.”

  Every word he spoke reached into my ribs and squeezed my heart. I was in his arms a second later, squeezing him in the same way. My arms banded tight as tears fell onto the collar of his shirt. I ugly cried.

  “I love you, my girl. My kitten, my world. Believe that if nothing else.”

  “I do,” I cried. “I do believe it. I just…”

  “I know.” A hand cupped my face. Kissed each cheek. “I know.” I didn’t have to tell him I’d let my doubts creep in. He knew. He always knew me better than I did myself, and he had treated me gently. “You became vital to me a long time ago, kitten. I just never told you and that’s on me. Maybe I was afraid. This is new to me, too, and I didn’t want to hurt you if I wasn’t sure,” there’s a ghost of a smile on his face. “But it doesn’t diminish what you are to me. What you’ve always been.”

  “What am I to you?”

  “Everything.”

  One word and he smashed through my barricades and made my heart beat again.

  It didn’t just beat.

  It soared.

  Lifting me into his arms right there on my parent’s yard for all to see we just held onto one another. His arms felt like home, the home I’d always dreamed of.

  It was now a reality.

  With the southern sun blazing up above, birds chirping their happy songs and the distance sound of traffic the moment became calming, my heart rate returning to normal. I embraced selfishly long, because Noah was mine.

  Aware he was walking, I stayed buried in Noah’s neck, drinking in his masculine, fresh scent.

  I didn’t know my parents had come out onto the porch and viewed our reunion until I felt Noah climb the stoop steps. “Hey, Austin, sorry to just drop in like this,” one of his hands left me and as I lifted my head he was shaking daddy’s hand.

  Mom was smiling in that secret mom way, her brows hiding somewhere in her hair they were that high.

  Thankfully without animosity daddy grasped Noah’s hand and pumped it.

  “Since my daughter just dropped the news on us two minutes ago and you have your hands all over her behind, I’d say your visit is timed right, son. You best come on in,” it wasn’t exactly friendly, but he wasn’t running off Noah either.

  I slid out of his arms, my face pink.

  Noah’s hand stayed on my waist as he reached over and kissed momma’s cheek. “Good to see you, Bonnie.”

  “You too, darling boy. Let’s get out of this heat with a glass of sweet tea and we can talk,” momma was sugary as could be to Noah. Until she switched her eyes to me. Then the game changed, and I swallowed slowly. Ut oh, momma’s wrath.

  “And you, Sena Janelle Black. Is that how you tell me I’ve got a grandbaby on the way?” She chided.

  “Momma … I’m sorry.”

 
“Don’t you momma I’m sorry me. My first grandbaby, Sena Janelle Black! I should have had balloons. Or one of those gifts where you announce it. I’ve seen it on Pinterest. How can I face the church ladies when they ask how I was told and I don’t have a fun story to tell?”

  I looked at dad for help calming his wife. “Don’t ask me for help, baby. I have a shotgun to clean.”

  Only Noah found it amusing.

  That was my family.

  Rowdy and beautiful. He squeezed my fingers as we went inside. And we shared a look. One of friendship that went so much deeper now.

  A family he was a part of.

  And he was all mine.

  EIGHTEEN

  “I’m all in with this, kitten. If you’re not, you need to tell me, so I can fix it.”

  Noah’s statement wasn’t a surprise, but it stole my breath nevertheless because he looked so serious when he said it as if he expected me to reply that I’m not all in as he is.

  We’ve spent the last few hours being grilled by my parents and when I say parents I mean my mom. Noah was amazing, he answered everything that was asked of him without being vexed over it.

  Do you plan to live together? This from my mom. I’m hoping to talk Sena into moving up to my apartment. It overlooks the entire city and she loves the view. Or, we can find a house if that’s what she wants. Noah replied. To which my eyes nearly bugged out of my skull because it’s the first I’d heard of it.

  What about her work? To which he replied. Sena is the most capable person I’ve ever met, Bonnie, and her freelance business is thriving, but if she doesn’t want to work she doesn’t have to, I’d love to take care of her while she’s pregnant and after she’s given birth for as long as she wants, the choices are hers.

  Again, my eyes go as circular as my gramma’s special Easter dinner plates. Not only because he’s saying things he hadn’t discussed with me, and smirking at me while he did it, but they’re talking about my life like I’m not sitting right there in the family room with them.

  I also blushed to high heaven.

  My villain has one of those hearts any man or woman would be lucky if he let them in. And I’m one of the lucky few.